Hey.. someone remembers me. haha.
Well... I am still here. I got 'lost' here and couldn't come home ( I was in the US about three months this year)...
I shot some in historic Cartegena, a filmakers dream city apart from the danger and the fact that you have to chain equipment to your waist to protect to keep some from a smash and grab... haha. ... Will make the film when i can ...and want to shoot another one this next week.

Thanks for asking....
peace,

Josh

Just a few quick observations from a movie newbie. If they are too harsh then please ignore. After all, I am a newbie - what do I know.

The Good: The movie shows a lot of camera and editing skills. The premise of the movie is also great: a young man faces a tempting offer as he contemplates the purpose of life. There are also other good stuff but since you are specifically looking for critique...

What can be better:

Camera too busy- too much camera movements, too much blur motions. On quite some spots they are unnecessary and I find the excessive camera movements and blur motions distract me from the story.

Story not easy to follow. If I didn't read the synopsis first, I would have likely spent most of the time trying to figure out the story when I should just follow the flow and enjoy the movie.

The storyline is kind of flat. There should be an apparent peak and there should be a buildup to the peak. For example, the character accepts the offer too easily, almost in a casual way. There is not much hesitation, not enough struggle before giving in. I don't even know why he accepts it. There is no indication he needs it. He sits in that circle for a long time, but it doesn't show he is hungry or homeless or cold or badly in need of money. Another example will be the pursuit of the mysterious figure. There are several sections of running after the figure, but they are in the same level of intensity. There is no buildup of tension or urgency. I don't feel the urgency of him catching up to the figure, nor do I know what he is trying to do by running after the figure. There is a conclusion but since there is no apparent peak the effect is undermined.

The character development can be better. I understand it is difficult to build a character in 9 minutes. Still, as the story goes along, within about 3 minets or so, I should feel connected to the character and care about him and root for him or feel sad for him. These did not happen. The lack of character development is closely related to the flatness of the storyline.

There are some spots where the music are good. But if I remember correctly, starting from the middle part, it is largely one piece of music all the way to the end. It can be better.

You mean it was actually longer? Yikes.

First off, I'll bet you had a lot of fun shooting this. It's always a blast to get out there and actually put something together.

That being said, the film is too long and too over-produced to keep me intrigued. Just because you CAN use all the effects that come with your editing software, it doesn't mean you should.

I'd suggest watching some award-winning short films. By doing so, you'll see why the essentials (script, camera work, sound, etc) are much more important than what filter gets used.

Josh,
As I said once before, you have a lot of talent, and I enjoyed your "remix" as much as I did the original effort.

No criticism of either, and keep up the good work. I'm a fan, and you've come farther with Vegas in a shorter time than any other creator I know. Congratulations.

Hey man, you got some serious talent. I only saw the first three minutes (YouTube slow) but I was riveted the whole three.

Intro is AWESOME!!! Very creative. The different languages were way cool. The effects were perfectly timed and not overdone.

You should enter this in a film festival, your style is very cool.

I'm going to D/L a copy for learning purposes. THIS IS THE STUFF I WANT TO DO!!!!!!

P.S. Did you do the music in Acid? It's great! I'm still trying to learn composition, so far this is my best song:



OK, I finally saw the whole thing. So it's a "parable" about wasting your life chasing dollars and in the end you can't take it with you? Or did I miss the point?

i much preferred the first version i saw - as dg writes, way too much fx.

hey budwzr, pretty nice mixing. i tried cinescore and thought, well, in the right hands it could do... something. obviously in your hands, and a bit (drop) of acid does wonders.....

leslie

Hey everyone.
First thank you all very much. I know that your time is very valuable. I sure appreciate you taking the time to watch and critique this for me (again).
Some very good and helpful comments here.
-BittenByTheBug... Not too harsh in the least. Exactly what I was looking for. Very helpful. Gave some really good pointers. Not things I can go back and change on this one but definitely some things I will try to do for the next ones. Like developing the characters.. .never crossed my mind. Just go out and shoot it. Climax and everything else. Good stuff

-DGates yes, it was longer. One of my biggest problems is always being tooooooo long. I tried compensate this by using a lot of effects. Missed it. Where could I find some award winning short films online? Any ideas?
thanks for the comments, yes it was a blast. Some very funny moments when we were trying to shoot in front of Government buildings (I didn't know they were) with a man in a black hood. Had a lot of explaining to do. hahaha

-Musicvid. Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.

-Budwzr Thanks a million. Very cool. Appreicate the comments. I will pm you. Love what you did with ciniscore and acid. Real potential there, lik 10x better than the orginal pieces. Liked everything you mixed in. I did everything in Vegas... other than my dad's keyboard studio... And yes, you got it. simple parable.

-Ushere yes I know. I thought they would make it better but realize I got carried away. Thanx for watching. Your one of the people I hope to really impress someday.

take care all. love the feed back. good and bad.

Joshua

Maybe too late to add this, but I just realized that your short (micro) film was made to be understandable by anyone in any language. That's MY goal too, to reach the world with my message.

Now if I only HAD a message!

You're doing it right, leveraging the one-to-many relationship of the web. It HAS to be visual and "impactful", it has to grab right away, and it does. There's a method to your madness, for those that have eyes to see.

"Where could I find some award winning short films online? Any ideas?"

I don't know if it won any awards but there was a link posted some time ago here to a very simple very short movie and I think the title was "No Regrets" but there's so many hits on that that I cannot find it. It's so simple I can tell you the story in a few lines:

Unhappy looking girl in coffee shop, guy sits down and tries to chat her up.
Girl gets the shits and says "You're just like all the rest"
Guy gets up but as he does says "I just want to live my life with no regrets"
In street outside coffee shop we see guy walking away and as he starts to cross road girl runs out of coffee shop and yells "Hey, wait".

Guy stops in middle of road and SPLAT, hit by car.

No FXs, very well shot, clean sound. Very simple story well told and in 90 seconds. I wouldn't rate the story as brilliant but heck it has punch.

Bob.

In another post, a promo clip the poster did was shown, that was so highly polished that I thought it was purchased stock footage and they slapped their ad on the end. The footage could have fit Las Vegas, a horse track, nightclub, Indian Casino, any glam venue, etc., and had no specific connection to the advertised event.

But nobody noticed, and it got glad-handed.

Being "mainstream" has its pitfalls too, that of being quickly recognized as "more of the same", and eyeballs start to glaze..

Point is, what grabs many here is "proven methods that fit a preconceived model".

New art is not normally received well immediately (ask Picasso), even if it's brilliant, because there's no track record.

"Bruno" makes much fun of this human nature. Like when all the Hollywood "experts" walk out on his audition and insult him.

A lot of people missed the point of Bruno, and couldn't finish watching it either, but enough people DID like it that I still have hope for us humans.

If you want to see a very intersting short film made a very long time ago then you might like to checkout Un Chien Andalou.

Part one and two of it are on Youtube:

I have not embedded it as the eyeball scene, despite it being in grainy black and white, is still stuck in my mind from when I first saw this 40 years ago. If you're at all sensitive to real horror you might want to give it a miss. To me despite all the modern special effects and unlimited violence of modern films nothing has been as distubing as that scene.

Bob.

Well Bud, I'm glad Joshua doesn't have the same mindset as you. He appreciated everyone's opinion, whether it be positive or not.

As for movies, Borat did well because it was near genius. Bruno flopped because it sucked. Don't read more into something that's not there.