First short movie

dfields wrote on 1/26/2004, 12:14 PM

Hi

i've been lurking a lot and asking few questions here but I just made my first short movie and i'd like you guys to give some advice and make comments(even harsh ones)
I submitted it to a weeklydv.com assignment. This wednesday I'll know if it was accepted.
The theme was "slow motion" and I opted not to put any slow motion shots in it.
The name is "9:24. Saudades" and to me it seems too much like a music video.

Well, this is my first movie EVER. There are no Slow motion shots in this video.
I shot it with a sony TRV22 and edited in Vegas 4.
It took 3 hours to finish (shoot and edit).

Saudades is a term in portuguese that could be translated as "the feeling of missing something, someplace or someone". As my wife was on a business trip and i was missing her, the theme was appropriate.
The whole concept of slow motion is basically in the script:
When you miss someone, time seems to pass very slowly.

Download it here (5MB): http://demo.eduweb.com.br/924saudades.mov

Comments

jcg wrote on 1/26/2004, 2:00 PM

Dfields, here is what I loved about your movie. You opened your mind to other creative possibilities to show "slow motion". Part of what made it feel slow motion to me was that the “speed” of the images was slower than the pace of the music track you used. Very clever. The images you used were rich and appropriate. The only one I did not understand was the fabric shot. Was that supposed to be the bed? Maybe if I watched it on a larger screen this would be clear. Although I could not understand the words in the music track, it felt exactly right for what you wrote you were trying to convey.

Here are things that would work better for me. I would probably not understand your beautiful piece if I did not have the written preface you provided (you may want it to work as a stand-alone in the future). Perhaps you could introduce somewhere the message that the woman is missing. You use some footage of "her" at the beach, but it is not clear she is gone. So maybe a shot of her picture in the home or a shot of her coming through the door at the end?

The other thing that would work better for me is to not repeat the exact same image too many times. It reduces the value of the image. For example, I liked that you used the coffee cup more than once, but I saw it too many times to keep it interesting. Using the different angle (close up) towards the middle was very good. Maybe you could switch back and forth between the medium shot and close up. I liked that you used the clock many times towards the middle, but when all the images were immediately repeated in the “fast backwards”, it was too many times in total.

I did not understand the meaning of “fast backwards” that was the last half of the film - that time is going by SO SLOWLY that even one minute (from 9:24 to 9:25) has not really passed? For me, this was difficult to interpret.

Thanks for showing this beautiful piece.

JCG

dfields wrote on 1/27/2004, 5:23 AM

Hey thanks for the review.

I agree with you about the repeated scenes. I could have done differently(another angle, another light...) but there's this rule that states that you must take 4 hour to make the video. I sure miss some alternate takes too.

In the "beach" scene it wasn't her. I t was just a girl in my building's pool.
I didn't want to use her in the video because "saudade" is a vast term and could aply to a person, place or thing. The movie is about the feeling and not about missing her.

In the Fabric shot I was trying to show a first person point of view but it was confusing. It should look like someone waking up and loking to the watch. I guess that the nightshot and my tentative to get the film look didin't work so good.

Well, in the fast backwards I was trying to show exacly what you felt. Time even goes back when you are feeling "saudades"...

Once again, thanks for the review it helped me a lot to analyze the movie from another pointo of view.

thanks
Daniel

Jay Gladwell wrote on 1/27/2004, 7:49 AM

Daniel, I'll come straight to the point. If I hadn't read your description of the film and what it was about (missing your wife), I never would have gotten that from it. Nor does it seem to fit the assignment's subject of "slow motion."

There were a few interesting images, but nothing that supported or expressed the notion of a lonely man missing his wife and awaiting her return. There were no images of her (just a little girl playing). There were no images of you that expressed melancholy or that gave the impression that you were waiting for someone's return. A movie tells a story with pictures. You didn't provide the audience with the right pictures for your story.

As a learning exercise, I would suggest you make a list of shots that you think would clearly convey the story of a lonely man waiting for someone's return.

I think it was a noble first attempt! However it fell short in realizing and communicating its themes. But don't let that defeat you. It's was far better than many first films I've seen. Keep going, by all means!

Hope this helps.

J--

dfields wrote on 1/27/2004, 9:25 AM

Hey, everything helps.

I posted the URL here so i could get some feedback.

It was much more an experimental movie than anything. I was trying to communicate a melancholy and fit it to the music also.
As I explained earlier (other post) the term "saudades" is really vast and I wasn't trying to use archetypical images of the feeling. I was trying to make the viewer to feel this sadness.

Ok, i tried a much difficult task but i loved doing it. :)

And I agree with you that the movie must not need a written explanation to make sense.

Thank you a lot for the review and for the tip on the screenwriting learning exercise. It is this kind of things that only experts would dare to tell us.

Daniel

Jay Gladwell wrote on 1/28/2004, 4:59 AM

Daniel, I agree with you 100%. It was (and filmmaking is) a difficult task. Your effort was very commendable! More than anything, I'm impressed with your openness--you're desire and willingness to learn. That will prove to be your most valuable asset at this early stage.

"I was trying to communicate a melancholy and fit it to the music also."

Two things--in all fairness to you, if I recall, the vocal was, I'm presuming, in Portuguese. At any rate, being culturally challenged as I am, I didn't understand what was being said. No doubt, that contributed to my lack of understanding of what was happening. On the other hand, I think if the visual half of the piece had been stronger--more descriptive--your intent would have shown through. The music would have only made it stronger.

For example, Alfred Hitchcock once said that when watching a movie, one should be able to turn off the sound and through the images alone be able to understand the unfolding story.

May I suggest you try another exercise? Get a movie you haven't seen before, a movie where you don't know the story (you may want to try this with a Hitchcock film). Turn off the sound. Watch the entire movie. I'm confident you'll be very surprised. Like so many of the truly excellent "story tellers," Hitchcock started in silent movies. They had to know how to tell a story with pictures!

J--

dfields wrote on 1/28/2004, 5:33 AM

J,

another great tip. Thanks

You should try to watch the Gus Van Sant's movie "gerry".
It's extremelly visual and it has few dialogues. This is a great exercise but also the movie is really boring...but has some great shots.

two guys lost in the desert and they barely speak with each other. Imagine watching this for 2 hours...

But i'll try this exercise you mention and probably with a Hitchcock movie.

Daniel

Daniel