OT: Real life Dilbert manager quotes

Coursedesign wrote on 12/19/2008, 11:57 AM
A magazine, quoted at Architects Rule!, ran a contest for best real life Dilbert manager quotes.

These are some of the top ones, let's have compassion for those who worked for these people:

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.'

Sigh. :O)

Comments

RalphM wrote on 12/19/2008, 3:14 PM
Which proves again - you just can't make this stuff up....
video777 wrote on 12/19/2008, 3:14 PM
Funny. /:-=)
nedski wrote on 12/19/2008, 9:16 PM
A company I used to work for had photo ID badges for as long as I worked there, almost 15 years. In the late 1990's they put in magnetic badge readers at all the doors and no one was supposed to enter or leave the building without "badging in." They sent out a stern warning e-mail to all the employees.

Well, coincidentally enough, that very Friday there was a Dilbert cartoon about photo ID badges. I taped the cartoon to the door of the room I parked my butt in. On Monday the cartoon was gone. The department head called my in and told me "Don't pull up that kind of stuff here, people don't like it!"

A true Dilbert moment!
rmack350 wrote on 12/19/2008, 10:01 PM
I get the second one on a regular basis in the form of "Could you come up with a list of frequent problems and questions for this new product we haven't launched yet?"

Of course I can! In fact, I've got some lists for products you haven't even thought of yet!

Rob Mack
video777 wrote on 12/19/2008, 11:27 PM
For more laughs about the odd things people say at work. These are actual calls that came into the Help Desk where I work: http://video777.com/humor.html#techcalls.
MarkWWW wrote on 12/20/2008, 6:48 AM
Yup.

This one actually happened at the place where I work.

Mark
TheHappyFriar wrote on 12/20/2008, 6:54 AM
@ work when the doors were put on a security system (computer controlled locking/unlocking, etc) it was said you should not be propping them open with chairs, etc. someone could get in.

It was a spitting image to the News Radio episode with the security door. Funny as heck. :D you wouldn't believe the number of people who were worried we couldn't get out... even though the doors have had crash bard for ~30 years. :D

EDIT: we also have an e-mail policy where you are not allowed to discuss about students or staff in e-mail.

It's a school... WTF are we supposed to talk about????
RexA wrote on 12/22/2008, 5:09 AM
The tech support stuff reminded me of one from the early days of PC's in the office.

A secretary had some task that needed the program on a separate floppy disk, so the support guy burned the custom floppy and stayed to make sure the secretary was able to use it.

In a few days the secretary calls for help because this program isn't working. Support guy comes out and sure enough the floppy disk seems to be bad. He burns a replacement and all is good again. But this process repeats every few days, several times.

Support guy now figures there must be an explanation. The bad floppies don't look abused. "How do you store these floppies when they aren't in use?"

"I've been very careful. I didn't want to lose it or get it dirty, so I've been keeping it right here." -- Klunk -- Demonstrates clipping the floppy disk to the side of a filing cabinet with a magnet.
richard-courtney wrote on 12/22/2008, 6:40 AM
I had a FEDEX package that didn't show up on time. The website showed
it was at a local hub. So we drove there to pick it up.
We arrived at the service counter and the clerk said they just sent a driver out with it and that "we should have called first".

I said we looked in the phone book and there was no number listed. The clerk
said "that's so we don't get bothered all day with people wanting to know where
their package is".
AlanC wrote on 12/23/2008, 5:35 AM
Which reminds me...

A man flying in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. Reducing altitude, he spotted a man on the ground and descended to shouting range.

"Excuse me," he shouted. "Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him a half hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below responded: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North Latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude."

"You must be an engineer," responded the balloonist.

"I am," the man replied. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

Whereupon the man on the ground responded, "You must be a manager."

"That I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."