Internet Commercial...

jrazz wrote on 10/11/2008, 2:06 PM
I wanted to get your opinion on this, especially the ending. I am not one for a lot of cheese in videos and when playing around with protype, I kept feeling like the effects took away (I even feel that way about the current ending- it is supposed to be yellow turning to white with a toothbrush noise in the background). I may just redo it with a still in the background and the contact information overlaid.

So, any ideas would be appreciated. The length does not need to be any longer and the owner wanted both audio clips included (that are included) so yes I am aware it is over 60 seconds but it is not for tv.

The clip

j razz


Former user wrote on 10/11/2008, 2:44 PM
I think the ending works fine. Simple, but gets the point.

The only thing that bothers me is the shot of the receptionist scratching her face (when you pan the reception area).

The graphic is clean and readable. That is what is important.

Dave T2
jrazz wrote on 10/12/2008, 5:38 AM
Thanks Dave. The shot you are referencing was sped up- maybe that is why it doesn't sit well. I didn't think anyone would notice as its length is so short (the boy sitting in the waiting room is sped up as well).


j razz
tcbetka wrote on 10/12/2008, 5:43 AM
Nice job! Reminds me that I should have went into Dentistry, instead of Allopathic


(Ever try to get a dentist to cut their bill?)

The commercial is great though!

bStro wrote on 10/12/2008, 8:19 AM
Personally, I didn't even notice the yellow-white transition of the top line until it was nearly finished because I was watching the phone number come in. The phone number starts out larger and its animation is "showier," so I think it takes over in the viewer's eye (mine, anyhow). I'd consider either only animating one of them or animate them at different (or just staggered) times.

Also, I think the text that's going from yellow to white would benefit from a thicker font, especially if this ad is going to be resized for internet viewing.

dibbkd wrote on 10/12/2008, 10:32 AM
Looks really good, gives me some ideas for a corporate video I need to shoot as well.

The only thing I'd change, and maybe it's just me, is the shots of inside the mouth. I'd show the patient sitting, the dentist coming up with a non-sharp or shiney tool, talking, and the patient smiling.

Kinda "santize" what really happens, nobody likes the dentist!!
jrazz wrote on 10/12/2008, 10:56 AM
Good observation Rob. I believe I will make those changes. It makes sense and it is good to have someone who didn't create it give an opinion. So thanks again.

Kinda "santize" what really happens, nobody likes the dentist!!

Nobody would be fooling anybody... we all know what goes on when you plop down in that chair. :)

j razz
goshep wrote on 10/12/2008, 11:37 AM
I liked the brushing title effect at the end (though I too was distracted by the phone number and had to catch it the second time through). My only complaint is the opening shots. You start with a tight shot of the entrance and then an establishing shot from across the street. Next are two shots of the sign which appear to be intentionally timed with the narration. It seems a bit out of sequence and a little lengthy. I would tighten up the first 0:12 and rework the sequence.

Well done,

Widetrack wrote on 10/12/2008, 12:55 PM

I agree. I didn't see the yellow at first either, but when I did notice it, I didn't even get the metaphor right away. I'd go with all white and then the star and ding at the end, which is very nice.

One area I thought could be tightened up though was the transitions. the first cut from the sign in front of the building to the speaker was kind of in a non-spot--in the middle of her sentence, actually. I'd cut to her as soon as she finishes saying the name on the sign, just before she says "Huntington".

the hard cuts during the dental clips add a subtle intensity, but I think it would help to be sure to cut on to the beat of the music, since hat's working to push the intensity too.

Then fade back to the office shot and on all the subsequent cuts, to give a feel of the people being nice and gentle and easy-going.

Nicely shot with good audio
dibbkd wrote on 10/12/2008, 1:00 PM
The other little thing I noticed was at 0:51 the girl is scratching her face / nose. I'd take the video a couple seconds early and cut that part out.

Not a BIG deal, but since you asked for suggestions...

Edit: nevermind, I see DaveT2 mentioned the same thing.
TeetimeNC wrote on 10/12/2008, 1:30 PM
j razz, good job. One minor distraction - at around the 49 second mark someone walks by the open door in the background. To my eye the person goes by abnormally fast as if the clip was speeded up. You might consider removing or masking that part.

John_Cline wrote on 10/12/2008, 2:00 PM
The spot is perfectly decent and well done. I agree that the yellow/white text at the end is a bit too subtle.

Also, the stand-up at :12 and again at the end, the girl is out of focus while the background is perfectly sharp, although, it's not really too distracting and a reshoot is probably impractical.
TimTyler wrote on 10/12/2008, 2:35 PM
Get rid of the fade-up at the head. When was the last time you saw a commercial that faded in?

Seems like there should be a title/text at the beginning for "Complete Dental Care Clinics to help reinforce the V.O.. Maybe even throw in a map with stars indicating where the three clinics are

The music sounds kind of scary to me, especially at the beginning.

Can you do some ultra-slow post zooms on the otherwise static scenic shots?

Is the woman on-camera out of focus??

At 23 seconds it almost looks like the woman bumps the x-ray camera into the boy's face.

Got any CareCredit and City Health logos you can put over the office pans?

Their tag line is "A Reason To Smile" and yet not one person in the spot is smiling.

The spot is 01:14. Are you cutting it down to :60 or :30?
winrockpost wrote on 10/12/2008, 4:35 PM
at around :40 all the latest dental equipment ,, shot seems weak ,need some tech stuff,, the xray shot is kind of scary,,if its a low rez the out of focus girl at the start may be ok,, but she pretty softI think a few tweaks here and there and you got a spot
good luck
jrazz wrote on 10/12/2008, 8:07 PM
Thanks again guys for all the suggestions. And yes, the shot is out of focus on the girl giving the voice over. That was my mistake (hurriedness coupled with a small lcd screen), however it will be small and probably unnoticeable when it is on the web.

Funny thing, the viewer would never know, but the dentist was pretty proud of the dirty/clean lab that was shown (red light on the left and blue light on the right). It is the biggest one in the US. So, even though the viewer is not wooed by it (b/c they don't know the history), it is pretty impressive.

Thanks again.

j razz
TimTyler wrote on 10/12/2008, 11:06 PM
> the shot is out of focus on the girl giving the voice over.
>however it will be small and probably unnoticeable when it is on the web

If you must use the shot, consider masking the background and adding a blur filter to it so that it's considerably softer than the out-of-focus subject.

Additionally you could add a sharpening filter to the foreground subject to help sell it.

I'm curious as to what kind of budget your client had for the spot.
Christian de Godzinsky wrote on 10/12/2008, 11:42 PM
Nice video! You were able to keep the pace from beginning to the end. The speaker's echo (ambience) disturbs a little during the first general shots. When the lady appears in the video, then you get the explanation for the echo, it is shot on location at the lobby...

After this it is not too disturbing. However, very often you can tell the difference between professional and semi-professional video - not from the video itself - but from the audio track. Having this "ambient" sound does not disturb if the face would be there all the time, but most of the video the narrator is "hidden". Might be question of taste, but I would probably have done a audion dub in a more damped surrounding...

And it warmed my heart to see some x-ray devices that I know better than my own pockets ;)


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Rory Cooper wrote on 10/13/2008, 12:42 AM
My disposition of dentists is money being pulled out with a pair of pliers and a voice over saying this is gona hurt twice

The little I do know about you from this forum is that truth and sincerity to the topic is right up there so I think that the clip is believable
And that’s what is required for this field

Just a bit more bite “ pun intended” in the call to action line maybe a harsher yellow flash outline text to glow edge white text then pop to solid white
You gotta make them believe that those white teeth are worth the effort.

John_Cline wrote on 10/13/2008, 2:39 AM
OK, I'm going to get pedantic here for a moment... technically, it's not echo, it's reverberation. Echo is more when you can hear a discrete repetition of a sound and reverberation is the persistence of a sound after its source has stopped, caused by closely spaced multiple reflections of the sound within a closed space.
Christian de Godzinsky wrote on 10/13/2008, 6:19 AM
Sorry about the wrong wording, and thank's to point that out to me. I also think that its important to use the right terms, at least not to confuse those that are not so experienced, as we old farts are ;)

Hopefully I'm apologized, since my native tongue is not english...

I could see from the video that you used a close up lavalier mic, so you did try your best in recording that voice - with as little REVERBERATION as possible...



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barleycorn wrote on 10/13/2008, 7:50 AM
I do think the ending is by far the weakest part of the video and I think you're right to consider re-doing it.

The biggest problem is the lack of design: not only in the sense of 'a plan in art' (as the Oxford English Dictionary calls it), but also the 'purpose, aim, intention'. Essentially, it doesn't seem to be related to the rest of the video and doesn't say anything about the identity of the clinics.

Following the link at suggests that a web site may be in preparation. Might it be a good idea to contact the designer (he could be a useful person to know) and see what kind of a look he's going to go for? Is there any stationery from which you might borrow a design? Being part of the corporate identity in this way would make sense.

If you've got nothing else you can use, do look at other people's advertisements (on screen and in print - if it doesn't look good on the page, it's not that likely to work well on screen) and use what you can from your video.

For example, rather than setting 'Meridian Springs Dental Clinic' in Times New Roman (like your other choice Arial, a dangerously overexposed typeface that a designer would be very unlikely to use for this purpose), you could have used the layout we saw from 00:00:09.06 to 00:00:12:10 (quite a long time) (they've used ITC Century Condensed or something very like it). You've gone for a very stark black background though there's very little black in the video and again, it might have been better to stick with the colours we've seen or, as you suggest, use a still (you could take your cue from 'a reason to smile').