Hi my depressed friend,

I cannot write as eloquent as some of the great folks here. English is not my first language. The advice you have received so far is worth a gem, in fact I marvel at how the members are able to come together to help a fellow member although this issue has nothing to do with Vegas.

BUT right now you are in a depressed state of mind and no amount of advice or "snap out of it" from members,friends or even doctors will help. It certainly will not sink in. You will see only gloom everywhere you see, that's how your brains work right now. Prolonged worries can cause the chemicals in the brains to go haywire.You will feel as though there is nothing worthwhile left in life anymore...and your family members will silently suffer along with you. Is this how you are feeling right now ? Believe it, I am saying thro' real life experience.

Now on a brighter note, all these feeling of misery WILL PASS AFTER A PERIOD OF TIME. ! Nothing stays the same forever in life. Set aside all your present problems as they are. They will not vanish overnight...and don't expect to see "a bright new morning" sometime soon.

First thing, GO SEE A DOCTOR to get the right medication. Remember, some pills will not work. In my case, I visited several doctors and some offered the same crap "snap out of it" advice. The pills would make me feel like a zombie and nothing happened to my state of mind. I still felt miserable. Then one day I was referred to a specialist. He hardly spoke and prescribed Prothiaden ( I still have a few left) All he said was to be patient for the medication will take about 7 days to kick in. Believe me, IT WORKED !!!!!!!! On the fifth day,I remember, I could actually smile,something I have not for a long time. The rest is history. Today, I have a successful renovation business and everyday (mostly) I wake to a bright new day. Looking back 6 yeras ago, now I just cannot see or hear someone going thro' a miserable life without taking the right action to solve their problems.

I am sharing this with you so that you can soon get along with life the normal way. With the right frame of mind, you'll be better able to tackle whatever is thrown at you. You too will look back some time soon and feel the way I do now. Cheers !

>BUT right now you are in a depressed state of mind and no amount of advice or "snap out of it" from members,friends or even doctors will help.

Well, maybe, maybe not. You may already be seeing the light, but If it is still a problem for you, maybe you can try something that occurred to me recently.

A friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend. He was in that normal depressed funk. I had a flash one night and bought him a copy of the CD "Time Out of Mind" by Bob Dylan. As far as I can tell, this is the ultimate wallow in your pain music. One of my ultimate faves is track 7 - "Not Dark Yet". Find yourself a quiet dark space for a couple of hours and listen to this CD. If you are already depressed you will probably be crying like a baby.

So my theory, that I told my friend, is that sometimes you need to take yourself all the way down to get up. My theory was that this music would have anyone swimming in a sea of pain rather than just sticking your toes in the stream of "this sucks". My hope was that my friend would go down fast, scream the pain out, and pop up like a cork to a new day.

To my great pleasure, it worked. He told me it was the perfect thing to get him way into - then out of - the funk, and it was pretty good music too.

So maybe it is worth a shot. I gave my friend my phone number if he got so low that he wanted to kill himself. You may want to have a safety net. I guess you could liken this to, "I stubbed my toe, so I am going to smash my hand with a hammer to take my mind off of it.", but in the emotional realm I think it does work.

Sorry to hear that. I guess there's little more for me to say after seeing the long list already responded. I haven't read them all but .....

..... don't do anything silly. There's ALWAYS something worthwhile to live for, and tomorrow's another day.

I have been there with the depression, anxiety etc. and am barely coming out of it now, after 7 years of it. It does seem to happen to creative people more than others, it seems.

All the best.

Regards,
Neil Porter

To everyone, thank you all for the advice and encouragement.

To Vic, Acidsex comes from my old days as a club DJ. It is no drug reference or sexual innuendo. When I selected the name Acidsex, it was for those very same reasons. It made people take a second look and it made them ask questions. It helped get my name out there. Not to mention, when the club kiddies were buying CDs at the local shops, they were mor enclined to buy something with DJ Acidsex on it as it sounded for fun and risky than Patrick Masters which sounds dull and boring. I really dont see the problem with my moniker as that is all it is, just a moniker for a board. Its not as if I apply for jobs with the name. But I know you what you mean. I am not sure what your reference about acidsex and expecting someone to give money.

WRT to the job, trust me, its not form my lack of effort. Unfortunately, with a down economy, the tech industry is still hurting. If given a chance to do tech support again, I would in a heartbeat just to pay the bills and do my fairshare. Sadly, the jobs I have interviewed for over the last few months have kindly told me that I am over qualified with my credentials. Even when I tell them that I am ok with it and that I need the job, still I dont get the job. I have even gone as far as dumbing down my application the combat the over qualification excuses and that hasnt panned out. I do have substitute orientation in a week but theres no guarrantee in how many days a week I can sub but you can be sure that I will take every one they offer me.

I have tried calling several Production places in the area and offered to work for free or for minimum wage to gain the experience and all suggested the film school route. I even had one guy sem-go off on me ranting about how he paid his dues and that I should be ashamed to think that I can just walk in and have him give me a job when he spent years being starved and homeless all in the name of art. This is what film school will provide. Training, contacts, and a better understanding about film and concepts than I have currently.

Dont worry, I dont take offense to anything you have said. Its great advice and its advice that I have been practicing. It is just the lack of experience that is killing me right now when it comes to any job in film production. The teaching thing may work out, it may not. Either way, film is still a burning passion for me and something that if i dont try that it would be something that I totally regret for the rest of my life. Add to it, my situation wouldnt be nearly as bad if a GL2 that I had purchased earlier this year from an ebayer in Europe hadnt been dead on arrival. As I explained to another poster offline in email, when I contacted the seller he said he would contact the warranty people over there and to send it back and he would take care of it. Then he said he needed $700 to pay for the services and when I refused, he said Canon was keeping the camera until the debt was paid in full. After doing some checking with Canon USA, they found out that the camera was never in there repair department and the seller refused to respond to any inquriries, be it email, phone, or written. Unfortunately, it was paid for with a money order. I learned my lesson. However, the GL2 was to be used helping out associates with weddings and that was supposed to fund my schooling, etc... Thats when I turned back to the financial aid.

One last point, I dont feel as if I have a woe is me attitude. More so, I feel like I am a man who has put forth alot of effort in trying to gain some level of success. I am a good father who loves his children more than life itself and just a bit depressed that I cant do more for them. Their mom doesnt mind making the sacrifices as I have made some serious personal sacrifices for her as well that I didnt share in my orignal post because they come from a personal nature. But please dont think for a second that for the three years she and I have been together that I havent done my fair share for the good of our relationship and for that she is very grateful. Thats the one thing I dont think I have lost track of is that even though times are extremely hard right now, we still have each other and both of our children.

I do agree with the other posters. I think this thread and those that have contributed to it speak volumes about the Vegas community. Life is more than just about video editing. :)

I dont want to beat a dead horse but , film school does not mean a job. Unless things are drastically different in your area than in Charlotte. Knock on the doors again,, I can promise you if someone eager to learn came to our company and said they would work for free , not that i would expect anyone to work for free,we would work them till they dropped, maybe even buy them lunch.

Best of luck

:) I dont necessarily think film school will guarrantee me a job (heck, my Bachelors degree cant even do that so I know an Associates degree wont either), but it will open a few more doors for me than are open now. Also I will get to learn about the very industry that I am trying to get work in. Dont mistake me for thinking that film school will be the be all, end all answer. Nothing in life is. If it were, everyone would be in show business. :)

You're just kidding yourself if you think going to some film school will "guarantee" you a job. Your own words are troubling. You said you don't NECESSARILY think it will, which is just another way of saying you do think it will, deep down, at least at some level. That's like the cronic gambler that keeps going to Vegas 'one more time' because he's talked himself into thinking the next time he'll hit the jackpot.

You've said you have run up a HUGE debt in unpaid school bills. If you owe $80,000 already going to yet another school and pushing the tab higher isn't thinking straight. You really need professional help with getting your debt consolidated and maybe even think seriously about filing for bankruptcy.

The last think you need is another your luck will change speech. You're in control of your own destiny more than you think. If you have a family, your first responsibility is to them. Get a job. Any job, probably better one that has nothing to do with the film industry. It seems to be more than a dream for you, closer to an obsession. At least put your dreams on hold and put your financial house in order. First.

Student loans cannot be discharged with bankruptcy.

Jay

This I definitely know. Plus the collections people tell you every time they call. :)

Dear PMaster (formerly known as acidsex)...
I spent some time tracking your various posts over the last year...
you are intelligent
you are articulate
you are charming
all bode well for employment.

I will take such pleasure, if I can, in any way, help you to get control of your life, your dreams and your reality... and to escape the curse of depression.

First - an aside about Valencia college. What I said above about film school being a great place to center yourself, grow up and to learn rapidly changing techniques still stands. The only film schools that MIGHT get you contacts and/or work are the top schools in the country - AFT, Univ So Cal and NYU. That's because those schools are super expensive and therefore attract a basically wealthy student body. Those are your best bets for "contacts" in the business.. You MIGHT latch onto someone who can raise enough money to produce something - and then it MIGHT go on to great success. In reality - I don't think so. Valenica is a very nice school (I checked it out for my son 2 years ago) but to my way of thinking their teaching style is out of touch with the practical side of the business, as are most of the film schools in the US. They teach on film - they start you off with a Bolex and 16mm. Total bulls--t. You will learn more practical and usable technique right here on this forum from a great bunch of knowledgeable pros and afficiandos than you ever will in a film school. You know better than most, that you can post a question - any question - and recieve a well thought out reply within hours. Access to teachers like Spot, tutorials by BillyBoy, great advice from Wcoxel, farss, Grazie and a host of others (people come and go - myself included) - you ain't gonna get that kind of dedication at most schools. And you DON'T need to waste time and money learning FILM! Video is where it's at - digital is where it's going. So forget Valencia (with apologies to that school and staff) - it may have been a kiss on the lips for you to not attend.
YOU NEED A JOB - RIGHT NOW. FIRST. BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE.
I don't want to hear about 'OVER- FRUGGEN-QUALIFIED. Stop tooting your own horn, shut your mouth and say, "I'm ready to work - what have you got".
In 1984, having directed commercials in the $60,000 to $135,000 range, for over 5 years, I found myself out of work. My former partner had been stealing money and clients - I had to leave. For 6 months I couldn't find ANY work paying the $5,000 a day fee I was getting. I also had a wife and two kids to support. And I had been living like the money would never stop - that is , no savings. We needed money.
So I called a bunch of wedding studios, and said I was ready to work. The first two told me I was WAY too over qualiified. The next guy never heard about my prior career. I was back to shooting for $125 a day - right where I had been 15 years before, when I worked my way through college. It took a year to get back in the swing - and five years before I "re-hit" with larger clients. But I helped with the bills, every week. Then one of my wedding guys got me some regional car spots. Then... well... like my mom told me, creame will rise. Hey PMaster - crap happens - but I'll tell you - some people got INCREDIBLE weddings shot! I never compromised my quality. I never looked down on my situation. I just did it better and better.
Forget what you "used to do" or what you're trained for and get yourself a job, tomorrow. Try the mall and the fast food places. And do GOOD. Meanwhile start your calls. Believe me you WILL get work. But you need steady money so they can't smell the desparation. Get a job tomorrow - even if it's slinging burgers at MickyD's - do it GOOD and take pride in your work and yourself.

It's really time to get off the pity pot and take care of yourself, and your family.
Best wishes,
v.
PS. Yes, I actually DID write a book called Quit Whining - you can check it out on Amazon.com -Look - it's not a put down to be depressed or out of work or scared about your future - my book teaches that the solution to those problems is to : Change it, Leave it or Accept it - but shut the heck up. I didn't write it about you, but it might help... tell ya what - email me your address, and I"ll send you a free copy. vicmilt@interpubco.com

Two of my favorite quotes follow. File under inspiration.

When Thomas Edison was asked why he tried so hard to find a way to make a workable electric light he said:

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

More on point, Walt Disney:

"If you can dream it, you can do it:" When he first dreamed to build his original amusement park most everyone just snickered and told him he was crazy.

So too Chester Carlson that invented the photocopy machine. In fact he went to some of the top companies including IBM trying to sell his invention They all laughed at him and said there was little if any practical value for a "instant" copying machine in offices. Finally he got backing from Battelle Co. Shortly after Xerox was born. So wildly successful was the company that to this day most people refer to the process not as photocopying, but Xeroxing.

I know anybody can get frustrated, depressed even, but some of the world's best minds had little formal education. My own little pet saying more or less taken from Edison is you haven't really succeeded until you find out what doesn't work, then one day you may just stumble on it. Personally I've learned far more from my mistakes (boy have I made a lot) then all the "formal" education I had.

Now THAT is an offer you should NOT refuse.

And, that too shall pass. So don't waste any time.

The advice from everyone contributing to this thread has been excellent! I'd like to add a few things...

I attended School of Visual Arts in NY for 4 years, and received a BFA over 25 years ago. I've been an art director ever since. SVA is one of the best art schools in the world, with an excellent film school as well. The biggest thing I've learned over the years is that without an IDEA, even the pencil becomes a difficult tool. I mention the "tool" aspect because most schools today have a tendency to focus too much on the technology rather than the craft itself. Being in a position where I'm responsible for hiring talent, I come across this type of situation often. And you want to know something? Some of the BEST work I've come across is from artists with NO formal training!

WHERE you go to school and WHAT you learn (or for that matter, IF you go to school), in the end, REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. Yes, school will give you a jump-start, but school does NOT guarantee job placement. Look at Quentin Tarantino - where did he learn filmmaking? At the VIDEO STORE!!! What DOES matter is how you apply what you know, and how you advance yourself and your skills. And besides, the technical side of what you learn today will be pretty much obsolete within a matter of a few short years.

As many others have recommended, you need to take a close look at your finances. And you need to quit blaming others (sorry to be so blunt, but it's nobody's fault but your own - and recognizing that is the first step toward recovery).

I've come across defaulted student loan situations with many people I know. One thing you might not be aware of is the student loan rehabilitation program, set up by the U.S. Department of Education. This is a program where if you make 12 consecutive monthly payments, your loan(s) will be "rehabilitated", and taken out of default status. You'll have to continue making payments, because these ARE loans, after all. The great thing about this program is that ALL negative information is removed from your credit reports, and you'll get a fresh new start. Do a Google search on "student loan rehabilitation" and you'll get tons of information.

As others have recommended, do whatever is necessary to get back on your feet. Work at Home Depot or the local supermarket if you have to. For your aspirations, there are MANY books and tutorials you can immerse yourself into. Above all, believe in yourself. You WILL get there!

It sounds like to me you do not need film school. Trust me, as was stated by someone in an earlier post, you can learn more on the internet researching, buying books from amazon (or anywhere else) and being self discipline on it. I have a bachelor of fine arts in film degree from an accredited four year college, and I am now working fulltime in the IT jobfield. I have a little side business dealing with video and web development, but my point is it sounds like you want to get into TV bradcasting. They actually look down on "film" graduates (atleast in my area). I went into a station looking for a job there and they said they really dont look for film graduates because they dont know the business well enough.. they want broadcast students instead. In any event, my two cents is, think about the whole film school thing alot harder than you did before...is it really worth all that money and time to learn something you can learn by yourself in this day in age? I'm not trying to put the idea down, I'm just telling you from my own experience; and hang in there. There are alot of positive stories in the responses above.

"There is always a light at the end of the dark tunnel"

-B

spacesounds, I am currently in a loan rehibilitation program now. I was told if I made six consecutive on time payments that my financial aid eligiblity would be restored and then six more would return my loan to good standing and if I was enrolled in school full time I could get a deferrment.

The sad thing is, I have made the first 4 payments, with number five coming soon, and even when I make the sixth payment, still ownt get student loans even though eligiblity should be restored. That was part of the reason for me agreeing to the loan rehibilitation to begin with was to get my title IV aid back.

Patrick,

Very sorry to hear you are having tough financial times. The one thing I can recommend is to get a book called, "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. This book has trasformed my thinking about finances. LET ME FIRST WARN YOU: Dave's teaching is tough to accept at first because he offers a no bull crap approach to getting out of debt and into financial freedom. People are so used to just using credit to get stuff and Dave believes we should NEVER go into debt. His way is NOT EASY and takes time and effort. But... I can personnally attest it works. His website is at: www.daveramsey.com and you can listen to his show over the internet. His show is from 2 PM - 5 PM EASTERN US TIME. I put my family on the "Total Money Makeover" and we will be out of debt and saving for the future in 5 years. It sounds like a long time but if you could take 5 years out of your life and knew you would be debt free and saving 15% of your income for the future you'd perhaps consider it. I did.

Hope this is encouraging and helps,
Roy

Hey ACID. I almost have a degree from two different colleges. I never finished due to work obligations. I have a huge debt, three kids, and a wife who stays home to raise our children. Here is a good news. I never, EVER, dwell on anything negative because that would take away from my time during which I could be looking for all the possitive. It is that very attitude which got me a very good job in IT before I even had 2 yrs of college. It is also that attitude and persitence which got me into some fairly nice video contacts. We all know sh** happenes, but you just gotta wipe, flush, and wipe your hands man. People will sense if you have no confidence and you will pass up the abundant positive opportunities if you walk with your head down. Your debt proble? Get a paper route or work for UPS, they will actually pay for your college tuition. If you have IT skills, you can pretty much support yourself by doing house calls. If CompUSA charges $99 per hour, you can charge $50 which most of us will agree is a livable wage.
Heads up, the best film school consists og SPOT's DVD and the DV ENLIGHTNMENT DVD from dvcreators.com . If you really want to go to film school, check out this site:http://www.cyberfilmschool.com/
Good luck.

This is not advice Im trying to give... Just Sharing some of my thoughts...

Personally I dont want to work for someone else Because ....

My Experience In Business... Or Sought after Jobs... Limited as it may be... You have to have very little Conscience... Be Confident... Charming... Agreeable... and above all leave the percieved Competition with No chance... Lie.. Cheat... and pretend... Someone I knew when I was younger got a very good job and just made up the Qualifications...

I dont Advocate this....In fact I really have no time for this sort of Behaviour... OR Getting things easy... OR Cheating ect.. Life is all about the Struggle to do those things we want to do.... Imagine the feeling of Pride and satisfaction you have at something you made happen the right way...

If you are already in the Business or SOMEONE from the Family is then you have a Fast Track Inroad ready made... OR Lucky enough to have been there at the start....IF Honesty Integrity and Morals But no Money is your Motivation then Make small Films... Build Up to Commercials... Learn all you can.. In time start your own Production Company... Find a Script... Get Financial Backing... look for Sponsers..Build up a Portfolio... ...First step is you need the Tools SO Get a Job Make an agreement with your Partner... If you can that Is) All the Money you earn for the next 6 Months will go on your tools.... The Camera and Equipment you need... Then save up enough to advertise your self.... Work will slowly come in... This is hard I know but it will be what you made...

mark2929

Part of the message that we all in our own way seem to be saying and you seem to be missing is you need to get out of the "I'm a professional student" vicious cycle. You've been a "professional student" for what, ten years now? Where has it got you? A $80,000 debt you can't pay.

You're still thinking oh geez if I just to get more aid to get in yet another school, then everything will be fine. It won't because if you get into film school what you'll want to do after is go to yet another school and two years down the road you'll be in debt to the tune of $100,000 or more and not a single step closer to your dream of having some super job in the film industry.

The only excuse for running up such a huge debt on schools is if your career choice is to become a doctor or lawyer. At least those fields once your schooling in finished it can lead to a lucurative career and salary a few years down the road.

You choice, to be in the film industry does not have such a career path. FEW make it to the point they can be considered rich. Many, I dare say most are carving out a living. They're not rich, and they have to work damn hard to make ends meet and maybe put a few bucks away for the future. Few make it to become a Ron Howard. What's true in many fields and especially in the movie biz is it isn't what you know as much WHO you know. There are exceptions, like Michael Moore's recent success, but that's the exception. You need to get your foot in the right doors and nobody that can open the right doors has a clue who you are and waving some piece of paper at them from some school assuming you ever got the chance isn't going to impress them in the least.

Nobody wants to take your dream away whatever it is. But what you need now is a healthy dose of REALITY. You may want to be in the movie biz, but at least 20,000 other guys right now do too. The chances that the right people will notice you more than the next guy are slim regardless how much talent you have.

--Nobody wants to take your dream away whatever it is. But what you need now is a healthy dose of REALITY. You may want to be in the movie biz, but at least 20,000 other guys right now do too. The chances that the right people will notice you more than the next guy are slim regardless how much talent you have.

And that's a reason to stop trying?
Why does that line of thinking strike me as nothing more than a lazy cop out?

Acidsex-- I feel for you (although I've never defaulted on a student loan). I'm still fighting my way through college, working at a PBS affiliate for far less money than I should be, and throwing most of my student loan money towards short films.

Keep fighting. Even if it doesn't work out for you, at least you tried. At least you did something that you loved.

David.

acidsex,

I recognize some of my (old) self in what you say. The professional student, dreamy plans...no room for financial sensibility...I recognize that floaty feeling. It's called the Peter Pan syndrome or the puer complex. You're stuck in boyhood. Snap out of it. You're a FATHER for Christ's sake. Kids need steady, predictable patterns. Not Dad forever dreaming he's going to be (insert your favorite director). Your children are paying the price. Your wife is giving her consent to your behavior. So she's on her own.

I was living in Japan doing the beatnik thing. One day, walking down an avenue in Kyoto, it occurred to me, "What the hell am I doing here?" I'm going nowhere, doing nothing. The next day, I got a plane ticket for home. In two years I had a masters degree in a healthcare field, and two years after that a wonderful wife, and then two kids. Beats the hell out of being a beatnik.

Get a job, pay the bills, teach your children to ride a bike and swim. Then, at night, when the wife and kids are IN BED, you get to live your dream uninterrupted. Keep at it, every night, 365, and eventually you'll have something you can sell. (I'm preaching to myself here, too, since I'm a recovering slacker.)

Good luck. Oh yeah, watch Suze Orman every Saturday night on MSNBC.