Thanks. We get too close to it and know the script. That can be improved.

Comments:

1) Yes, the echo wetness and delay are a little too deep to be understood even on my high-end computer sound system, and you need a real James-Earl-Jones baritone on the line;

2) The gaps in the dialog, esp near the beginning, are a little amateur. Some chop-edits might fix this, but;

3) The actors know each other way too well, even though they claim to be strangers. This is way too obvious in their concerted movements toward each other. A reshoot is in order, with more spontaneity and less rehearsal. Also, depending on the target audience, which I assume to be HS or MS, the actors are a bit too 18+. The student body learned to ignore the advice of seniors long ago.

4) Also, as a footnote, the chains are chintzy and way too ACE Hardware. Get some real police cuffs like real goths would wear to school.

That all being said, it is a good concept, and I would not hesitate to share it with some school IT/Media pros that I know, with your permission of course.

____________________
1) Yes, the echo wetness and delay are a little too deep to be understood even on my high-end computer sound system, and you need a real James-Earl-Jones baritone on the line;
____________________

I cleaned up their audio a little and the intelligibility has improved. Would be nice to have a real V/O actor for the part.

___________________
2) The gaps in the dialog, esp near the beginning, are a little amateur. Some chop-edits might fix this, but;
___________________
Good point there. I will pass it on and see if they can do a better slice. I am not sure the source has it in it though without getting to many edits.

__________________

3) The actors know each other way too well, even though they claim to be strangers. This is way too obvious in their concerted movements toward each other. A reshoot is in order, with more spontaneity and less rehearsal. Also, depending on the target audience, which I assume to be HS or MS, the actors are a bit too 18+. The student body learned to ignore the advice of seniors long ago.

________________________

They will take this as a compliment. The scene was directed by a first time high school senior. The actors were a high school freshman, a junior, and a senior of which only one had ever been in front of a camera or on stage before. Since they were just hoping to get through the scene and be able to cut it together, they will be pleased that you could get down to those performance issues. This was a first video for the group. I will share your insight with them and we will talk about the performance. Nice catch and excellent comment.

You are welcome to share the video while it is posted. It is part of a larger project. The students (mostly first year video students at my high school) are taking segments of the code of conduct and doing commercial and movie parodies to review those segments. Each group is doing a segment. In the end it will be put together and shown as a review to the entire high school student body.

Keith,
One other thing that jumped out at me is, what is the significance of the teacher laying there? Kids not complying with the dress code killed her ;-)? Maybe I missed that in the dialog. Agree with the comments so far. The phone voice comes through very well on my system now. This is a good first effort. If they reshoot, recommend they get some closeups of the actors faces for cut-aways to speed up the pace. That would add to the suspense. They might even use a little more of the "24" hand held look too.
Randy