I agree with Jay, it looks fine.

I might have structured it in a more traditional "selling" way (e.g., Picture, Promise, Prove, Push), but it seems fine the way it is. Audio's good I thought, and the VO talent is fine.

I didn't think that Ron Sundquist added much, and his speech patterns didn't seem authoritative enough to me, so if you were looking to tighten up he might be a candidate for deletion.

In the same vein, is there a way to make the endorsements of the other characters more authoritative by adding their role in the caption (eg, who are Val and Dennis Holmgren and why should we care what they think?)

I'd also consider supporting Dr. Klugh's experience with on-screen bullet points, starting at about 4:13 (like you did for his sermons)

Hope this helps, good job!

Peter B.

PS I thought that his notes/teleprompter were too far down from the camera giving the impression that he's shy/reserved/not meeting the eyes of the congregation enough, maybe something to watch for next time?

Dave,

This is just honest gut reaction from a fellow Christian so please take it as the constructive criticism it is intended to be:

Comments on Content:

I was really put off by all the looking off camera and reading. Bill Humiston was Ok because his looking off camera was only to collect his thoughts. It looked fairly natural. Ron Sundquist, on the other hand, was shifting his eyes sideways off camera way to much. Like he had just robbed a bank and was watching for the police. Dennis Holmgren was reading but the words were far enough in front of him that you didn’t realize it until he switched his eyes up to the camera at the end. I know these are not professional speakers but honest opinion should be honest and not staged. Even if it took several takes cut together, would have been better than a static read IMO.

As for Dr. Klugh, I can’t believe that a charismatic speaker who is going to inspire me, had to read about his own born again experience in the military! His credibility as an inspirational leader was totally shot by his dry delivery. I realize you can’t re-shoot this, but I could not listen to this man for more than 2 minutes before falling asleep.

All of the shots of Dr. Klugh have voice over. There are no sound bites. i.e., there is no “product” in the commercial! We don’t get to hear his powerful message from his own lips. It’s like trying to sell a video display or printer but the unit is turned off during the entire commercial! i.e., look at this beautiful TV, too bad we won’t turn it on for you so see the picture.

Right now, he’s too shifty eyed. It’s like when a kid tells you why he did something wrong and keeps looking down in shame. If he has to read about his own life story, then at least make it a medium shot with a podium with an obvious piece of paper that he’s reading from so people know why he keeps looking down every 2 seconds.

All you can do now is some sound bytes if you have them. Turn up the sound during some of his delivery shots and show people that he’s not like the monologue in the beginning. Honest, if this is supposed to sell his course, I’m not buying.

Comments on the Technical:

At 00:00:59;00 there is a loud plosive audio burst that can easily be fixed in Sound Forge using Multi-Band Dynamics.

I would make all the footage 16:9. There is plenty of dead room at the top and bottom of the 4:3 shoots to frame them in 16:9. It bothers me when programs jump back and forth (maybe it’s just me)

Bottom Line:

Like I said, I mean this in the most constructive way. I know that you only have the people they give you to work with, but it’s my feeling that the main character is not well represented. About all you can do how is include some sound bytes to show what a dynamic and inspirational speaker he is (if he is?)

~jr

The content seems fine. Should be much tighter - more suscinct.

The voice of Rev Leon Freitag, ND District Supervisor, could be edited to seamlessly remove some dead parts and non-esential phrases.

The personal testimony of Dr. Jack Klugh becomes distracting whenever he looks at his que card. Perhaps the cue card could be made with a hole in it and the camera in the hole so that when he looks at the cue it is not so much a looking away.

Each time he looks away I feel as though he is disconnecting. It also caused him to speak far more slowely than he otherwise does. This is more than a slight problem because you are also inviting speaking engagements. I am certain from the video of him in action that when he is presenting he speaks far more quickly and energetically.

Perhaps he could redo his testimony by doing it a phrase at a time repeatedly until he can grab a whole phrase without looking at the cue card. To keep it from appearing choppy, have him do a line and then turn to a different angle - CUT - have him return to the original angle - move the camera - then start the next take as he starts to turn and gives the next phrase . If you do it phrase by phrase with a slightly different camera angle you can make it seem fluid and spontaneous with amera angles changing to keep it interesting. Perhaps the angles could show off more of the stain glass window and its surroundings. Avoid any awareness on our part that he ever looks at a cue card.

Bill Humiston's testimony was very good. He spoke authentically.

The list at 3:41 could be improved by removing the silence between items. Try even overlapping the listed elements.

I will say one thing -- these are some unhappy looking people. I don't think I saw a smile the entire piece. So much for the uplifting messages ;-) Anyway...

Start the piece with some sort of graphic introducing the subject along with the music at 100%. We need to know what we are about to see / hear / be sold / etc...

I know you probably haven't got the extra footage, but I think the stuff of the guy in front of the projector runs too long. I especially don't like the wider shot of the guy walking in a circle chopping his arm up and down. There's no dialog context there for that to make sense. Also, the first time this scene is used he walks into the light from the project and really blows his exposure levels. I found myself staring at that and not paying any attention to the VO.

I would add some visual stimulation by using a few graphical chapter "bumpers." A simple zoom on a two or three word stinger to accentuate the upcoming part of the presentation. Open the dialog up to frame the bumper and crank the music and add a sfx or gliss to perk the audience up a little.

Near the end, when you are listing what amounts to the guy's resume', use text to match the references / accomplishments / etc. The audience may not have the time to read each and every one of them, but it will leave a stronger impression.

Add a volume envelope to your music track and go through the whole presentation and find places where you can ramp up the music a little. That will help keep the "monotone" delivery less noticeable.

so far - the issues you have seen are the ones I have seen. The result of having 1 week from concept to completion and really only about 2 days to do anything with anything. He knows that he was doing this in an INCREDIBLY short time. I shot at 6 different location for 6 different interviews, and not one (beyond the first guy I use) was able to just freaking talk - I mean it was so .... "JUST START TALKING MAN" and oh, how they couldn't just talk, they had to even read their own stinkin history.

Dave

And these are people who get paid to speak? Wow...!

Do you have any good audio of him speaking? We see some shots of him being passionate, but don't hear any of that. You could even just use the audio in some spots.

I like the shots at the podium, more than the shots in front of the projector. My favorite background is the stained glass window

When working with talent who are unused to reading a script or being on camera, I would not go so tight on the face, it makes the eye movements more noticeable. Another you may be able to do in the future is to know the speakers are going to pause or check the script is to have pictures ready to put over that shot. For example, when he talks about his time in the army, perhaps a picture of him as a young man. This allows you more options to play with the shots you have--tighten up speech, remove pauses, cover up shifty eyes, etc. Additionally an interview style might be more effective, it they are talking to you conversationally.

One change you may be able to make before deadline, is the lower third with the white church on the blue borders, it took me a while to figure out the white graphic was of a church because there is not detail on the side facing us. Perhaps a cross on the front the church would bring that out sooner.

"And these are people who get paid to speak? Wow...!"

you mean the guy that this is about? or the testimonials?

Either way - no kidding - I feel like there was so much potential for this and because of such a short deadline and so little content - It's very frustrating to me. Have you ever felt like, I put all this work into this and it just isn't turning out how I envisioned (mostly due to the lack of time/resources, but I am feeling fairly frustrated about this right now, and that has nothing to do with the comments so miuch as things that were bothering me, and there's nothing I can really do about it..... GRRRR!!!!! Just outright frustration (maybe only getting to bed at 7 had something to do with that though. I knew it was going long, but I thought - ok - I can just make more good video. I just ... argghhhh... sorry - I think i need some more sleep, just dissapointed to watch my hard work not come together like I had hoped because of things that I can't really change to much, and what's worse is that I feel that I'm going to be letting him down - he's wanting to let this investment be something that he can use for a while (investment = about 250 for doing this all in less than a week). Not only that but i was also possibly connecting with him to actually tape and sell his speaking seminars etc... when he would go to speak.

Anyway - I'll see how he feels about it, it may be that others will not be as critical as we all are because we are more familiar with what we think looks bad, however I fear that that may not be the case considering the target for these. (district superintendents etc...) I'm waiting on "titles" for the folks that I've just names for now, and then I'm gonna see if I can bring in a short section of getting to hear his voice somewhere w/o extending the video too much.

Thanks again guys for the comments - you gave me exactly what i was looking for, and what I asked for.

Dave

Dont give them an option to have cue cards or promptor or whatever ,have a producer ask them questions and get comfy, after a while you wont be able to shut them up.

unfortunately we had no time for that - I asked them to think of something to say and only 2-3 guys even did (and of those only one was able to do it w/o reading everything.

The sad thing is the speaker is really pretty decent, but he just couldn't seem to say his stuff very well, and he wrote those parts too >:(

Dave

Have you ever felt like, I put all this work into this and it just isn't turning out how I envisioned...

Dave, I know exactly what you're saying. Have been there on many occasions! You just do the best you can with what you've got.

For what it's worth, I agree with Buster. I'd remove all the shots in front of the Power Point presentation. It just doesn't measure up to the other footage you shot.

Dave, at some point (soon I would say), might I respectfully suggest that you get out of editing critical mode and into salesman positive mode and marketing/strategic mode.

You have done great work so far given the time and resources. You have to be convinced of that and then you must convince your client of that, while indicating that with just a little more resources (time and money) there are a few options that you would like to explore with him on your NEXT project together. Perhaps indicate that he may want to consider having a POOL of these available, each one with a slightly different style/approach. You would then be in a position to EVALUATE how well each of these approaches are working with the intended audiences. Etc.

Break a leg!

Pierre B.

"'d remove all the shots in front of the Power Point presentation. It just doesn't measure up to the other footage you shot." - LOL - I know you weren't saying that I had shot that, but... If I had shot that - I would have shot myself (maybe only in the foot, and maybe only figuratively speaking, but - good grief!! - that was some lovely VHS action there that was around 5 years degraded or so. I did some work to it, but I think you guys are right - I just didn't want to show only one scene of hiim speaking, that was the only reason I still used that footage when we found another set of footage from him.

as far as the "next" time - if this goes well enough - he's already planning on having me do another one for his corporate seminars etc... - he does both religious and corporate speaking.

Anyway - I agree - it's very soon time to go into selling mode here, so I'll see what comes of it :).

Dave

Actually, I like Buster’s advice a lot. Ask him for some pictures from the military, maybe shaking hands with people from another seminar, also a picture with his kids when he mentions the family, whatever. Sprinkle those cut-away shots in there to minimize the shifty eyes and I think it’s very salvageable. I love the stain glass in the background. Also don’t be afraid to Ctrl+Drag his scene a little shorter to get him to speak about 4%-8% faster. It will pick up the pace and still seem natural. I know you were only working with what you had and they didn’t give you much, but cutaway shots to images could make a big difference (also don’t forget to add motion to the still images that you cut to). Good Luck.

~jr

I thought the profile lighting for Ron Sundquist at 1:57 was very good.

I just thought it was a very good close-up shot.

...........................I asked them to think of something to say and only 2-3 guys even did (and of those only one was able to do it w/o reading everything........

I know this is of no help for this project, but you need to lead them into having something to say, only a politician is not going to run out of sh#$ to say,, If you dont have a person to interview them. lock down the cam and do it yourself,, turn the tally lamp off, and just BS with them, lead them to the message they have, of course you need to have an idea of what that is. But just asking someone to think of something to say wont work unless its an election year
Good luck

Thanx winrock - good point in deed

I'm looking into the cutaway's for his bits, but I've not been able to get ahold of him so I'm still waiting on that - however I think I can push the deadline a little bit, because it just needs to get sent out by Friday.