You might enjoy this: Worlds Worst Video Editor:


Somewhere out there, there exists the world's worst digital video editor. Don't worry, it's not you, dear reader. The most frightening thing about this is, that editor has an appointment with a client tomorrow morning. Let's examine what this hapless hack is doing to earn the title World's Worst Editor, and learn exactly how we can all avoid being anointed with this most shameful of all awards.

Sure, digital video editing gear is complicated, but our incompetent cutter (let's just pick an arbitrary name and gender -- how about "Ed," short for editor) hasn't quite learned how to use his particular kit, or any other for that matter. As his frustrated clients helplessly watch their money flow down the time drain, ineffectual Ed calls tech support to find out exactly how one would create a dissolve. Uh-oh. It's going to be a long day.

Ed has another problem. He wants to talk when there's too much work to be done, and he clams up when it's time to talk up a storm. When crunch time is nigh -- when there's only thirty minutes until air time and there's forty minutes of editing left to do -- it's not time to start talking about your new snowmobile, Ed. But when the client visits Ed during his down time to help plan an upcoming edit session -- oh, no, Ed has some very important Web browsing to do, and can't talk right now. Gee thanks, Ed.

Next situation: The client is at a loss. There seems to be nothing that will fix this segment. Does Ed have any ideas? "Uh," says Ed. "I can't think of a thing." Thanks, again. But earlier, when the client had a sequence completely planned out, shot from storyboards created by a committee at the ad agency over a week's worth of meetings, Ed the editor was full of goofy ideas, none of which were worth a tinker's damn. Sometimes an editor has to spew forth suggestions and creativity. Other times, stick with the script.

Ed sees himself as a detail man. Yep, it says so right there on his job description -- "must pay attention to detail." But Ed makes no distinction between one detail and another. He takes an extra hour to make sure the shadow underneath the bottom-most layer in a 10-layer comp is a soft shadow, and goes through seven levels of undo to make sure it is. We won't see that one, Ed! We'll never see it. "Yeah," says Ed. "But I'll know it's there." On the other hand, sometimes Ed creates an audio edit, where before the first source has faded completely into the second, the first cuts off. "Nobody will hear that," explains Ed. Yes, they will. Ed can't figure which details to pay attention to, and which to let go.

Which brings up Ed's next shortcoming: He thinks audio isn't all that important. Wrong again. Like most amateurs, Ed treats the audio as an afterthought. And, Ed is not very good at telling if the audio has slipped a frame or two, or even if it's completely out of synch. He's not too observant -- the kiss of death for an editor.

That lack of a keen sense of the vision/time relationship trips up our bungling cutter throughout the session, too, when he can't seem to notice a flash frame that resulted from moving a clip on his timeline without cleaning up after himself. Sure, all of us occasionally blink at inopportune moments, but Ed seems to be locked in one long, continuous blink. He didn't see a thing, as three flash frames in a row just went by. Coming out of Ed's edit suite, sometimes these things even find their way to air.

Another problem Ed seems to have is with anger management. As I've mentioned in this column before, it's the dreaded EWA (editing while angry), where your IQ goes down 40 points because you're all in a huff over something. Count to ten, Ed. Think of ice cream cones and lollipops. Take a short break. Heck, even try smiling, even if you don't feel like it -- mind control experts say that if you force a smile, it sets off a series of events that tricks your mind into thinking it's happier than it really is. But learn to manage that anger, and Ed, you may not have to remained saddled with that unfortunate crown designating you as World's Worst Editor.

Another problem Ed has is, he doesn't know how to play. Even when there's plenty of time, Ed can't just mess around with silly effects, just to see if something clicks. Some of the best effects and edits ever executed came about because of that wonderful concept called serendipity -- where you stumble upon some exquisite idea you hadn't even dreamed of, just by playing around. There's a time for play, and Ed can't quite figure out when that is, or how to go about it.

Ed exhibits another hallmark of the inept editor by not knowing when his work should be invisible and it should call attention to itself. When he should be looking for razor-sharp cuts, he invariably breaks out the whoop-de-do effects gizmos. Most of the time, the best editors' work is completely invisible. Usually, if you don't notice the editing -- if everything flows as if it were reality -- then the editor has done the job well (The same usually holds true for good directing, too). Other times, the editor must pull out all the stops, and cut with the music, put in crazy whiz-bang effects and generally call attention to the editing. Ed gets these two polar opposites exactly wrong, every time.

Ed doesn't seems to understand the feeling behind editing, either. Maybe someday, he'll figure out how images accumulate meaning -- it's called montage, Ed! Think of this sequence of images: Shark swimming, child splashing on raft, people's legs underwater, shark point of view shot -- what visual story does this tell you? Must there be a voice-over saying, "The shark is going to eat somebody"…? In this situation, Ed suggests we head over to the voiceover booth right away.

As you read this, I'm sure you're thinking of some of your own experiences where an editor has "stunk up the place." I know, I know, it wasn't you. But we can learn from Ed, can't we? Sometimes it's better to learn what not to do than what to do. I'm also thinking that while you were reading this maybe you said to yourself, "Hey, Chazz, what about the World's Worst Client"? I was thinking about that, too. Maybe next, I'll write about the Client From Hell. I invite you to send me your horror stories, about either the World's Worst Editor, or the Client From Hell, and I'll publish the funniest ones. Reminds me of a cartoon that hung in an edit suite where I worked for many years. It read, "This is my client. He smells bad. He has money. I like him." Like him or not, let's hope we'll all do our best to avoid winning the "World's Worst Editor" award.

Any resemblance to any persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental!


Digital Media Net Executive Producer Charlie White has been writing about new media and digital video since it was the laughingstock of the television industry. A technology journalist and columnist for the past nine years, White is also an Emmy-winning producer, video editor, broadcast industry consultant and shot-calling television director who has worked in broadcasting since 1974. Talk back -- Send Chazz a note at cwhite@digitalmedianet.com.

I forgot where I found it. I saved it from a website a while ago. I have it in a DOC file if you want a "nicer" copy.