While the camera is leaving town (zooming out from the sign) someone is trying not to hitch a ride (he sticks out his thumb only when there isn't a car passing, so I think he wants to stay where he is). Still, he walks on, dragging his feet (in slow motion).
He somehow appears at a pavilion of sorts and hesitatingly (this guy gets paid per hour, doesn't he?) picks up a guitar (I'm surprised he doesn't tune it), sits down, looks towards the camera (am I doing alright?), positions his guitar on his lap and starts to fade away.

The music started at 0'49, almost in sync with the guitar case lid closing.

How can a digital camera or Vegas 3c help you out here? How can Vegas 3000XL Grandiosa help you? Not a bit.

Apart from the colours being a bit weak, it all looks very well and certainly sounds good. But it does not move. You need to think differently.

One thing you could do is to put that guy in the back of a car and let him sing while you drive around. Get him and the town together. This could be a follow-up to the hitch-hiking, but when you think about it: Someone who is singing My Town does not come from the outside, he IS there to begin with. That is where he belongs, hence the song.
The choir could lean out the windows of a second car passing the first.
Then you could add drama: nice girl shows up in several of the town scenes, walkman in hand, noticing that the camera is interested, smiling shyly. In the last scene, she takes off her earplugs and the music stops.
Or you could have a dog passing by repeatedly, following the guy when he gets out of the car and walks AWAY from the town as the music finishes.
You've got to do something that will make people a little interested in how this thing will end. And you should let the music start when the video starts.

I'm sorry to be so grim, People are usually polite in this forum. But they are also usually very much more interested in technical solutions than the storytelling side of it all. And that is like putting the cart in front of the horse. I wish there were more discussion on content and - well, storytelling.
Many people are doing things the way you have, some less, some more. I just jumped your way because I liked your song.
And why does he have to put his guitar pick into his vest pocket when he didn't take it out from there in the first place? In storytelling everything is significant, so whatever doesn't add to the story steals from it.

Tor

Tor,
Don't be sorry to be so grim. I would not have put a link up to our first video if I didn't want some constructive criticism. For the most part, I think all of your comments are good, (and honest), except for (he didn't tune it). Get real now Tor, they don't show anybody tuning up their guitar at the beginning of a music video. Why not show the camera man checking his film and settings on the camera, and why not show the sound man doing a mic check, and.... Well, you get my point.

But don't get me wrong, I like your comments and ideas. It reminded me that for months and months we struggled to first make a VCD then a SVCD, a DVD, and finally was able to make a streaming video to put on the web and that's all we thought about. How to do it. How to make it work. Now, like your comments, we need to view everything from the viewers standpoint. Have a beginning, a middle and an end that sums it all up. We now know the mechanics of doing all of this, so now we shift to content and quality.

One other comment you made though that a digital camera would not help us. I think you were talking about the content of the movie, and my comment was about getting away from an analog cam/analog USB converter, and going to digital cam with straight capture through a firewire card.

Thanks,

Paul/Pat Magnum Blues

Nice job, I hope you don't mind if I jump in.

I think TorS was saying you did too much in the beginning. Opening the case, etc.. In other words why don't you have lunch too :). I kinda felt like it was a bit slow to get started with the music too. but at any rate, I liked the moving car rides ,etc. I thought you should have had a close-up or two on the gazebo step scenes.

I am really glad you posted this. and am really glad torS made the comments he made. It really helped me to see new ways to (think).

BTW, I'm listening on really low end right now. but that lead guitar tone is great. Especially a couple of quick notes right before the second verse.

Really nice. I'm trying to do omething similar myself right now. Glad you posted. All this really helps me in my efforts.

TommyB

I agree. We were trying to show a guy leaving town thinking life's greener on the other side and then realizing there's no place like where he came from. The gazebo shot was him taking a break from hitch hiking to reflect and then after that he goes back on the road, only this time it's back home. Like TorS said though, it doesn't show that transition well. We had it in our heads, but we did not convey it good enough.

Can't wait to do the next one. Rock & Roll baby !

Paul

Hey,
This is Patrick, the guy that edited and recorded this video. Thanks for the comments everyone. You guys had some great input. At the beginning of the scene when you see the camera man's shadow...that was me! That was a total accident because of the sun being behind me, I forgot to even think about shadows. Also, Some the audio might seem off, but trust me it was hard to line up. First i had to cut the video of Paul singing into multiple pieces because on some parts of the song
his singing was off a little (he was remembering the lyrics as we were recording).

The main objective of this video was to just make a serious music video. When i first started editing i always made comedy stuff becuase the editing was cheesy, which made it funny. But now I want to make serious stuff, which takes more thougth and talent (at least i think so). Any ways, on the next video we'll try to have more of a plot --- sometimes thats hard with a two-man crew!

l8er
Pat

Hey,
I just wanted to explain how we made this video.
Well we knew we wanted to make a serious music video; we knew we had the capability
so we decided to try. We had an analog (non-digital) Sony HandyCam, a tripod, Vegas Video, Recording equipment, and Two people.
We started by making the song using Sonar. After the song was done we knew it was time to record. We knew we wanted some things in it (tracter, leaving/entering signs, and a water tower), so we went around town recording them. Then it was time to record Paul singing. We found a good location so we parked, got out the boom box, and hit record (on the camcorder). It was all pretty much improv from there.
I came home and edited it on Vegas using crossfades and video overlays. It was a pretty simple "video colague." When I finished editing it we rendered it as a Mpeg-2 for DVD format and boom...our first video.
Thanks for all of the input; we will keep it in mind when creating our next video.
l8er,
Patrick

I think y'all did a good job. It's not perfect. First time never is. Obviously, he had to put his thumb up after the truck passed, or someone would've really tried to give him a ride. So I understood that. Maybe in the future, lots more varied angles for the singer, keeping it fluid. Good job.