WOT: "This call may be recorded..."

Jay Gladwell wrote on 5/1/2008, 6:06 AM

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. I don't know if this is true or not, but...

Operator: Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?

Caller: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

Operator: What sort of trouble?

Caller: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Operator: Went away?

Caller: They disappeared.

Operator: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Caller: Nothing.

Operator: Nothing?

Caller: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

Operator: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

Caller: How do I tell?

Operator: Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?

Caller: What's a sea-prompt?

Operator: Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?

Caller: There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.

Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator?

Caller: What's a monitor?

Operator: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?

Caller: I don't know.

Operator: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

Caller: Yes, I think so.

Operator: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: Yes, it is.

Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

Caller: No.

Operator: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

Caller: Okay, here it is.

Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.

Caller: I can't reach.

Operator: OK. Well, can you see if it is?

Caller: No.

Operator: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Caller: Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.

Operator: Dark?

Caller: Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Operator: Well, turn on the office light then.

Caller: I can't.

Operator: No? Why not?

Caller: Because there's a power failure.

Operator: A power... Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?

Caller: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Operator: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

Caller: Really? Is it that bad?

Operator: Yes, I'm afraid it is.

Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

Operator: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!


Comments

farss wrote on 5/1/2008, 6:16 AM
Old but still good. Last time I read it it was supposedly from a Dell call centre though.

My favourite phone conversation:

How much to rent a camera?

What kind of camera?

What kinds are there?

Well there's ones that take still pictures and ones that take moving pictures.

........Really?......I'll get back to you...


Thankfully they didn't.

Bob.
craftech wrote on 5/1/2008, 6:36 AM
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

---------------
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer "No..."

------------
An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
-----------
Tech Support: "Ok sir, we'll do a file search to find it. Can you please click on Start, then Find, then--"
Customer: "Don't talk down to me like that! I'm not an idiot -- I know what I'm doing!"
Tech Support: "Ok sir, please Start, then Find to do a file search."
Customer: "How do I do that?"
--------

Tech Support: "Ok, now type 'C D space backslash'."
Customer: "Um, can you repeat that?"
Tech Support: "Yes, 'C D space backslash'."
Customer: "'C P'?"
Tech Support: "No, 'C D'."
Customer: "Ok, 'C D slash backspace'."
Tech Support: "No, 'C D SPACE BACKSLASH'."
Customer: "'C D slash space backspace'."
Tech Support: "No, 'C D SPACE BACKSLASH'."
Customer: "'C D slash backspace'."
Tech Support: "'C D SPACE BACKSLASH'."
Customer: "'C D space backslash'."

John

AlanC wrote on 5/1/2008, 8:05 AM
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/becky-demolition-p1.phpBecky Hates School[/link]
baysidebas wrote on 5/1/2008, 8:27 AM
The following is a true story, it happened to me [not to someone I know]:

Back in the early days of pcs, in the 1980s, the secretary to the president of the company called me to help her with an urgent problem. When I arrived at ther office, she pointed at the 286 XT and said "The computer ate my floppy disc." These were the 5.25" floppy types. I activated the eject but nothing came out of the slot, further inspection of the floppy drive revealed that it indeed was empty. She insisted that she had inserted a disc and that the computer "ate" it. I told her there was nothing I could do, that she was imagining things, and I left.

Six months later, I had occasion to open the pc, probably to troubleshoot a card, or upgrade memory, or somesuch. To my surprise, in the space between the floppy drive and the hard drive was sitting a dusty floppy disc. It turned out that in her hurry to insert the disc into the drive, she had managed to insert it into the space between drives! So the computer, in that case, indeed "ate" the disc.
RalphM wrote on 5/1/2008, 8:42 AM
Going back a few decades before the PC:

The TV repair man arrives on a trouble call. The picture is all snow with a few ghosts appearing. He pulls out the TV from the wall and discovers that the antenna lead is dangling several inches from the the antenna terminals. "There's your problem he tells the customer, your antenna's not connected!"

"Do you think I'm stupid says the customer? You're trying to tell me that signal could make it all the way out here from the station but couldn't make it those last few inches to the TV?"
PeterWright wrote on 5/1/2008, 8:51 AM
My sister in law visited us from England back in the '90s. She was told to fax something back to England, something she had never done before.
I showed her my fax machine, told her how to do it and left her to it. A few minutes later she called me in .... "I did what you said, but it came back out of the machine - it's still here!"
DWhitevidman wrote on 5/2/2008, 12:10 PM
Another "back in the day" when 5 1/4" floppy discs were used. I ran a Heathkit store and a women called in saying at the end of the day she would back up some files to a disc, turn off the computer and go home. The next day she put the disc back into the computer to make sure the back up data was there, and it was gone. In fact she would have to reformat the disc before she could use it again.

Our tech reviewed everything she was doing for several days on the phone, with the same results. Finally he gave up and went to visit her near the end of the day. He watched as she put a new disc into the drive, backed up the files. Performed a dir a: and the files were there. She took the disc out, turned towards the tech and said "see that's what I do", still holding the disc in her hand.

The tech looked at her, thought for a moment, then asked, "where do you store the disc?" She said "oh I just put it up here". With that she grabbed a large speaker magnet about 3 inches in diameter, held the disc up to the file cabinet, and held it in place by placing the magnet directly onto the disc, thereby securing it very tightly to the metal file cabinet. Needless to say, the tech just shook his head in disbelief!
Larry Clifford wrote on 5/2/2008, 2:33 PM
Will you ever go to the dentist again?

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/tim-conway-carol-burnett-p1.php
kairosmatt wrote on 5/2/2008, 3:34 PM
Since we've got quite a few sailors on this forum:

I used to work in a marina and around here we get a lot of charters through the Moorings. One day a got a call on the VHF, which went something like this:

Charterer: "Can you please call the Moorings, we are out of range."

Me: "Sure what do you need"

Charterer: "Can you ask them where all the anchors are."

Me: "Umm, on the bow?"

Charterer: "No, there was only two and we're on day three."
Grazie wrote on 5/3/2008, 2:06 AM
I am not a sailor . . .

Anyways, I may have related this B4 but I think it is well worth repeating.

This is me coming clean . . .

My very first "interface" - is that the correct word? - with the Wunderful World of IT was back in around 1988 - I think?

I opened boxes and plopped the gizmo and stuff on the dining room table; opened the MANUAL; plugged-in plugs, and all the other stuff stood well back and switched on.

Read the first lines of the MANUAL which says: "Hey Grazie thanks for buying the XXXXXX personal computer . . . blah blah blah"

It then went on to "instruct" me how to proceed: "We will now explain to you, how to proceed . . . "

. . .and the very VERY first "chimp-like" test I get to do is:

"Type in START and press enter"

Nothing happens .. .

OK .. I try again .. . ditto.

I then dismantle and reassemble lumps of stuff.

Eventually, I get back to where I was and same thing happens.

Now I am getting anxious .. .

I phone the friend who supplied me the kit . .

"Yes, I did what the MANUAL said and typed in 'Type in START and press enter' I've now done this at least 20 times! It is really frustrating!"

My friend: "Grazie? Do you get anything appearing AFTER you type in the words?"

"Nope. I just sit here and it is doing nothing. How long should I wait?"

Friend: "So aren't getting anything?"

"No! Nothing! Don't you believe me?"

Friend: "Tell me word by word and action by action what you are doing? Please . . "

"As I said I followed the instructions and: 'Type in START and press enter' "

Friend: "Tell me, after you have typed in START what is you exact next action?"

I SAID I TYPED in all the line that the MANUAL told me to!"

Friend - penny dropping:"After you have typed in ALL the line, what is the LAST word you typed in?"

"As I said, the whole line and ended up with the word 'enter'! And then I wait and wait and wait . . . . "

I guess there is a real reason why they are called "personal" computers . . .

Grazie