What do you call a fish with no eyes???









A fsh.

Two cannibals were eating a clown.

One turns to the other and asks "Does this taste funny to you?"

This is a joke I always tell, nobody seems to get it and I usually get called stupid. I'll throw it out and see what kind of respnse I get here.


A man walks into a bar and says Ouch!

Should've ducked! John.

I got it. How about:


There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those that know binary and those that don't.

Where's the king keep his armies?












Up his sleevies. Merry Christmas. John.

How are Christmas and Halloween the same?


OCT 31 = DEC 25

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

What's green and smells like paint?







Green paint

What's invisible and smells like worms?








Bird farts.

Three pieces of string walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here, we don't serve strings!"

So, standing on the street corner, one of the strings says, "I have an idea." He bends himself into a bow, takes both his ends and fluffs them out a bit.

He walks back into the bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, ain't you a string?"

And the string says, " 'fraid not."

<< Three retired soundmen >>

1st: Windy isn't it?
2nd: No, I think it's Thursday.
3rd: So am I, let's have another beer

For times like the holidays when buisness can get kind of slow, a nice office game to keep you occupied.

The idea is to score the most points. Your attempts need to be verified by another co-worker. See how many points you can score in one 8 hour shift.

One point gags:

-Run one lap around the office at top speed.
-Ignore the first five people who say "Good Morning" to you.
-Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
-To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
-Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
-In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out "Yahtzee!"
-Walk sideways to the photocopier.
-While riding the elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Three point gags:

-Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him/her with double-barreled fingers.
-Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that? I don't want to have to repeat it."
-Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
-Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
-Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Five point gags:

-At the end of a meeting suggest that for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (2 extra points f you actually break into song) (5 extra points if you start singing another nation's anthem).
-Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off and on 10 times.
-For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.
-Announce to everyone in a meeting that you really have to do "number two".
-After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report is on your desk, mon." Keep this up for an hour.
-While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
-In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
-At lunch time get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
-In a colleagues diary, write in 10:00 am.: "See how I look in tights."
-Carry your keyboard over to a colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
-Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
-While talking to a colleague, pick your nose.
-Come into work wearing army fatigues and when asked why, say "I can't talk about it."
-Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
-Hang a 2 foot piece of toilet paper from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised (or perfectly calm) when someone points it out.
-Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, say, "Not now," and walk away.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

Ah, geek Jokes...

How many exchange Admins does it take to screw in a light bulb?







I don't know either, but I think there's a properties page that tells you.

All right, I see kameronj posted 4, so I guess I haven't reached my quota yet.

A director, cameraman and a producer are poking around the set when they come across an old, dusty oil lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out. The genie says, "Well normally I grant three wishes, but since there are three of you, I'll grant one wish to each of you."

The director says, "Gee, I want to be in Tahiti, sitting on the beach with a dozen beautiful girls catering to my every whim." POOF! He disappears.

The cameraman says, "Wow, I want to be in Paris, living the nightlife and drinking fine wine." POOF! He disappears as well.

The producer says, " I WANT THOSE TWO A__HOLES BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

"A man walks into a bar and says Ouch! " - I tell that joke to my kids all the time - especially when they have friends over! They just roll their eyes...

Congratulations, Grazie, on being one of the forum "founding fathers"!!!! .... I just went back to the beginning of time (in this forum) and you are poster #5!!! (Although I think there is a bug in the system since the number of responses is -1 and the message cannot be accessed....

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. After sitting for a few minutes,
he hears a voice say, "nice tie." He looks around but doesn't see anybody
near him and so he forgets about it.

Some time passes and he hears the same voice say, "nice shirt." This time
he looks everywhere; behind him, up and down the bar, under the chair,
behind the bar, everywhere he can think to look, but he doesn't see anyone.

A few minutes later he hears, "nice haircut." He can't stand it any more, so
he calls the bartender over and tells him he has been hearing this voice but
can't figure out who is speaking.

The bartender says, "Oh that...that's the nuts...................."

".....they're complimentary."

This is risky but here I go:
What does Michael Jackson like most about twenty six year olds?













That there's 20 of them.

George had been a compulsive worrier for years until he found a way to overcome his problem. His friends noticed a dramatic change. "You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore," said one.

"I hired a professional worrier for $1,000 a week," George replied.

"A thousand a week?" said his friend. "How the heck are you going to pay him?"

"Who cares?" said George. "That's his problem."

------------------------------------------

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. His eyes are rolled back in his head and he doesn't seem to be breathing. The other hunter takes out his cell phone and calls for help.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend looks dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm voice, says: "Just take it easy. First let's make sure he's dead."

There is silence on the phone, then a shot is heard and the hunter's voice comes back on the line. "Okay, now what?"

This is the funniest joke I've heard recently. It makes fun of WASPs, but the ones I've told it to weren't offended so here goes.



Why don't WASPs go to orgies?



Too many thank-you notes.